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Are you a Cheshire Cat?

27/12/2006

ARE you a real Cheshire Cat? As it's party season I thought we'd have a bit of fun. Try these questions out on your friends and neighbours to see if they qualify as a Cheshire Cat:

1 A premiership soccer player buys a listed house in your village and:
A) Restores it to its original glory?
B) Opens it to the public?
C) Knocks it down and builds a flash mansion?

2 United Utilities promise to complete road works in six weeks, 18 weeks later they are still digging. Do Cheshire County Council have:
A) An emergency meeting?
B) An alternative route?
C) Not a clue?

3 There is an armed robbery in the town centre. Do Cheshire Police deploy:
A) An Armed Response Unit?
B) A bottle of water?
C) An unoccupied police car?

4 A butcher's van is banned from the town centre for being too heavy then replaced by:
A) A cow?
B) A goat?
C) An army tank?

5 The council give a prize of £20k to an architect for designing a town hall extension that is:
A) Powered by solar energy?
B) Financed by public donation?
C) Impossible to build?

6 The Queen visits your town and is met by cries of:
A) God save the Queen?
B) Rule Britannia?
C) Five for a pound your lighters…six for a pound your super glue?

7 Your local soccer team likes to play with?
A) Two strikers?
B) Three mid-fielders?
C) Twenty-five footballs?

8 In your time of need which of the following would arrive at your home first:
A) A policeman?
B) A councillor?
C) A Domino's Pizza?

9 Where can you get free parking:
A) In the hospital car park?
B) Behind the town hall?
C) On double yellow lines?

10 Your preferred skin colour is:
A) Ochre?
B) Mahogany?
C) Tangerine?

11 Your local railway station is:
A) Open?
B) Closed?
C) Open…closed….open…closed…open…closed?

12 Recycling is a problem because you have:
A) No car?
B) No time?
C) No tip?

13 Five out of four councillors:
A) Sleep walk?
B) Dance to the Scissor Sisters?
C) Can't do fractions?

14 Your local restaurant is overrun by:
A) Mice?
B) Rats?
C) Football stars?

15 Your village boasts:
A) The highest number of millionaires in the North?
B) The grandest houses in England?
C) The biggest car boot sale in Europe?

16 'Hooper' is the name of:
A) A swan?
B) A bronchial infection?
C) A department store?

17 The most asked question in Macclesfield is?
A) Where's the cinema?
B) What's that statue?
C) How many euros are there to a giro?

18 Your 'local' bank is in:
A) Wilmslow?
B) Macclesfield?
C) Bombay?

19 In the New Year many residents will:
A) Stop drinking.
B) Stop smoking.
C) Stop paying their council tax.

20 From which of the following are you most likely to get a drink?
A) Sir Nicholas Winterton
B) The Porter's
C) Trentabank Reservoir

RESULTS:
Give yourself 0 points for each A answer: 1 point for each B and 2 points for each C:

SO ARE YOU A CHESHIRE CAT?

0-15 Points = Not even a kitten.
16-30 = Starting to purr.
31-40= You are caterwauling like a true tabby.

NB. If you answered A for question 20 you are a Fantasist.