Barlow's brief

| Submit CommentSubmit Comments | View CommentsView Comments(2)
VIC at the duck races award ceremony.
VIC at the duck races award ceremony.
advertisement

I love summer but it’s a shame about the vicars

Vic Barlow
26/ 7/2006

YOU KNOW what I like best about summer? It's the village fetes, garden parties and country shows. They really brings out the best in us. You know what I don't like? Vicars. I have found vicars to be sneaky individuals never to be trusted.

Take the infamous Leslie Lewis once known to parishioners in Rainow as The Rev Les. I don't recall ever attending a village event where he didn't stitch me up for something and anything I did... he did better, with the exception of buying a round of drinks (a rare talent perfected by Sir Nick).

I recall one scorching Rainow village fete where after imbibing several pints of amber nectar I was persuaded by The Rev Les to 'take part in the sports'.

What he failed to inform me was that the 'sport' he had in mind was a cardiac-busting fell race to White Nancy. Once he'd announced my entry over the PA system there was no going back and I suffered the indignity of being overtaken on the home straight by a pregnant cow.

After years of such treachery I escaped to the village of Sutton where I lived happily until the arrival at Sutton St James of one Taffy Davies, an altogether more trustworthy vicar... or so I thought. How wrong I was.

The Taff-Meister proved to be one exceedingly dodgy geezer.

"Why not come and help out at the duck race?" he urged me. "It's for a good cause." Little did I know I would spend the entire afternoon locked in the stocks while malcontents hurled soaking sponges into my face egged on by a whooping vicar.

There followed the Great Visitation Sting where the Ole' Taff-Meister wobbled down the farm drive on his rustic bicycle expressing his love of animals.

"You can call any time to see them," said Mrs B and call he did... with a huge gang of hungry mothers and toddlers and guess who had to feed' em all?

I tried the loaves and fishes routine... it doesn't work.

I'm assured there are some genuinely innocent vicars around... so far I haven't met any.

  • THE views expressed on this page are those of Vic Barlow and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Express.

| Submit CommentSubmit Comments | View CommentsView Comments(2)


Most recent 2 of 2 user comments

   vic -- belated happy new year ! just wanted to drop you a line to say I hope you and your family have a happy and healthy new year....also, hope you had a merry xmas......

chris
chris blizzard, plantation,fl
10/01/2007 at 01:11
   vic- wow, glad to see you are doing well. it has been a long time since miami, hope all is well

chris
chris blizzard, plantation,fl
28/07/2006 at 00:14
Have your say
 
Have your say Got an opinion you want to share?
Register now and have your comments heard.

Register now


 
Personal Finance
 

Customers with a 'good' credit profile
Company Typical APR
Platinum Exclusive Loan 7.8%
Bank of Scotland (Semi-exclusive) 8.6%
Halifax (Semi-exclusive) 8.6%
Alliance & Leicester 8.7%
Sainsbury's Personal Loan 8.9%
HASH(0x2ba4c3e44660)
Provider AER*
ICICI BANK
HiSAVE Savings Account 		5.50%

HASH(0x2ba4c3e44ab0) 		HASH(0x2ba4c0d64a30)
FIRST DIRECT
Everyday e-Saver 		2.75%
ALLIANCE & LEICESTER
Online Tracker 		6.00%
ABBEY
Instant Access Saver (Special Issue 2) 		6.00%
ING DIRECT
Savings Account 		6.00%
ALLIANCE & LEICESTER
eSaver - Issue 2 		6.30%
ABBEY
eSaver Direct 		6.00%
POST OFFICE
Instant Saver 		3.75%

HASH(0x2ba4c3d446e0) 		HASH(0x2ba4c537de40)
Fees may apply