Barlow's brief

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Express classified adverts are truly brilliant

Vic Barlow
11/ 7/2006

WHATEVER you pay for your Express it's a bargain.

We have a bunch of young reporters busting a gut to prove themselves, a news chief with the eye of an eagle and an enthusiastic young editor determined to make his mark (and some odd bloke we keep in the cellar who writes a weekly column).

There are stories from every corner of the borough, readers' letters, photographs of local events and if they aren't enough check out the classified adds, they're brilliant.

How about this little gem: 'Lost: Standard poodle with three legs missing since New Year's Day.'

. . . or this

'Two-year-old tortoise complete with starter kit' . . . on your marks!

Personal ads are now so popular they have their own dating page.

Estate agents have always been economical with the truth and terms such as 'conveniently situated' usually means next to a railway line, 'partly refurbished' equals falling down, etc. Now dating ads have taken this to a new level.

'Voluptuous attractive female (31) loves dining in/out and football seeks sporty male in Wilmslow-Alderley area for friendship/relationship.'

Written more honestly this would read: 'Middle-aged porker would like to meet Premiership footballer to pay for pies.'

How about this?

'Easy going bloke (42), 5ft 11in, hobbies, socialising and walking seeks caring lady for relationship.' He'd hardly be likely to find a partner if he wrote 'Unemployed drunk, banned from driving, seeks female with car to ferry him to pub'.

Guess who this is?

'Handsome, educated male (32+vat), brilliant journalist, animal lover, seeks stunning female for romantic nights in.'

That's me.

Rewritten by Mrs B, it reads: 'Clapped-out writer, with dog, seeks gullible woman to clean, cook, iron and make cocoa.'

I'm probably the only person in history who works for the Express and buys a weekly copy out of his own pocket.

Now that's dedication.


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Most recent 1 of 1 user comments

   Am i the only person who finds these comments incredibly offensive? 'Middle-aged porker'?! Despite its distancing disclaimer, the Macc Express publishes this column and presumably pays for it too. This mysoginistic tripe is inappropriate for a local paper.
Dismayed, Macclesfield
15/07/2006 at 16:25
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