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The future's bright, but not orange

Vic Barlow
26/ 4/2006

ACCORDING to The Female Body Survey Wilmslow women are extremely dissatisfied with themselves.

They are, the survey tells us, the most body obsessed women in Britain convinced cellulite is blighting their lives.

They are three times more likely see themselves as obese with over half of Wilmslow women on a permanent diet.

The survey paints a disturbing picture of perpetual anxiety.

BUT do not despair, ladies, for Doctor Vic is on hand with the remedy.

Ditch the diet, cancel the gym membership then start a vegetable garden. (You'll soon find you didn't need either). Buy a dog and walk it yourself.

Take the fake tan and put it down the nearest grid. Permanent tans are the tacky hallmark of chavs and ageing antique dealers.

Forget the fancy cocktail parties and charity dinners and find a small voluntary organisation that needs some hands-on assistance. Devote a little regular time to helping others. You'll be amazed how much you'll enjoy it.

Now ask yourself this question: Does the man in your life love you just as you are? If not then ditch him. If he puts you under pressure to change … change him.

The only person you need to please is yourself. Do you really want to compete in the perpetual facelift and designer label race? Come on ladies, smell the roses. Better still eat a few. Just how content can you be living like a stick insect?

I know a lot of very happy Wilmslow women all of whom seem to have faithful partners who adore them. And that, ladies, is your answer.

The future is bright but it's certainly NOT orange.