Barlow's brief

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If you get no response from 999, blame me

Vic Barlow
5/ 3/2008

I WAS motoring gently down Buxton Road yesterday when a police car ablaze with flashing lights pulled me over.

The officer ordered me to leave my vehicle and get into his patrol car. I knew I wasn’t speeding; my truck’s relatively new so it couldn’t be a defective brake light. I hadn’t been drinking or crossed a double white line, so what was the problem?

After a lengthy introduction, I was informed one letter in my registration was incorrectly spaced. Nothing wrong with the rest of the plate, just the one single letter.

"You won’t believe how many of those fancy cars in Wilmslow and Alderley Edge I book for this sort of thing," the officer told me. I didn’t doubt it for one minute. This bobby was fearless.

Prior to this I was pulled over on Mill Lane by another of Cheshire’s finest for "driving too carefully" along the Silk Road. Apparently, I was travelling at 40 mph, which seemed fast enough to me at the time.

Having invited me to play a little guessing game, the officer put me through the old breath test routine declaring somewhat disappointedly, "You haven’t had a drop."

He handed me the negative test straw and I sat through a brief summary of his ill-founded suspicions before I was allowed to return to my vehicle, leaving the officer free to go on his way – which brings me to my point.

If you were one of those unfortunate individuals desperately calling for police assistance while the controller advised "all our units are busy", I apologise most sincerely.

While you were being beaten to a pulp or having your home ransacked, I was thoughtlessly draining police resources by driving "too carefully" and harbouring an illegal letter. With only a handful of patrol cars to deal with dozens of emergencies around the county, it was selfish of me.

I am now driving a lot faster and the errant letter has been moved a full centimetre to the right, so you can all sleep safer in your beds.

Mind how you go.

The views expressed on this page are Vic Barlow's and not necessarily those of the Express


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Most recent 2 of 29 user comments

   Rather have a drink with them than you, bud.
Garry Mac
18/03/2008 at 18:54
   Garry, plague websites -which other ones do i visit?

As for not having many friends in Macclesfield, how would you know? and how would the fact my name on this site annoys a few people be in anyway a reflection of the number of friends i have in Macclesfield?

and anyway, who would want to go for a pint with Big K, Epilson, Maxonian, Leigh Turner in anycase, with friends like them.......You on the other hand sound like a right laugh mate.....
The Satisfied Customer
18/03/2008 at 11:26
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