Barlow's brief

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How could I make it all up?

Vic Barlow
19/12/2007

CAN I take this opportunity to thank all of you who take the trouble to write and e-mail your stories to me. I promise I read every single one and incorporate them in my column whenever possible.

I’d particularly like to thank all those police officers, firefighters, postmen, nurses and council staff who stick their neck out to keep me informed.

I’m always a little wary when someone stops me in the street and demands to know if I’m ‘that man from the paper’ particularly when they poke me with a walking stick as one gentleman did recently in Mill Street.

Having been socked in the chops with an old lady’s handbag, regularly harangued in taxis, and dumped in a wheelie bin by the boys from the cleansing department, I tread very lightly.

Even Cheshire’s finest can’t resist pulling me over for a breath test every now and again and no… I do not make it up. Nothing infuriates me more than when someone asks ‘was it true you had a bowl of water dumped on you from the first floor window of Men’s Den?’

“No, I always walk around town with a head full of soap suds.”

Trust me, if I make anything up I’ll show myself in a much better light. I did write a brilliant piece once about a date I had with Fiona Bruce but my editor scrapped it saying it was totally ‘unbelievable’. Had it been about her throwing me in the canal he’d have printed it in a flash.

I love the old sayings and phrases you send me like “come here while I smack you”. Do you remember when parents used to say that?

“You’ve got a tidemark round your neck” was one of my dad’s favourites. I recently offered to carry a bag for an old dear who was staggering down Mill Street laden with shopping and she said, “No thanks, love, I'm balanced”.

Isn’t that a brilliant bit of Northern dialogue?

The views expressed on this page are Vic Barlow’s and not necessarily those of the Express


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Most recent 1 of 1 user comments

   Hi, I wondered if you could include my letter in your column almost as a kind of gesture to the community?I saw someone else suffering last week. Recently I parked on the car park of "The Swan" in the centre of Wilmslow. I was parked there for approximately 8 minutes on a Friday afternnon at around 3.00pm.Unfortunately the cashpoint was out of action and I had to go inside the bank. on returning to my car I was atonished to find that it had been clamped!I had to hand over £90 to a man sitting in a white van outside the pub in order to release my car.Perhaps the proprietors of "The Swan" think this a friendly way to drum up business?Personally I thought local hostelries supposed to be places of friendship and community!You have been warned..White van man is waiting!
Jane seed
7/02/2008 at 14:52
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